Nephew has arrived earthside!

My sister-in-law had her baby boy yesterday (very early) morning! He weighed in at 5 lbs, 15 oz.

They are doing well and should be coming home today or tomorrow.

Long overdue news

This has been a long overdue update.

My passion for a midwifery career has really changed over this past year. Perhaps at one point it was my dream, but it isn't anymore. There were subtle hints over the past several months that made me realize things changed, but I was thinking of pushing through them and focusing on graduating. Towards the end of the spring term (around May/June), I struggled so hard with whether I should withdraw or take a leave of absence to think about my future goals.

Another thing that was happening was that I was in danger of failing Intrapartum. I mentioned this in a previous post. I felt that I studied hard for the last exam but failed it anyway, subsequently failing the course. Two course failures in the program meant dismissal from the program. However, I was given an option to appeal. But given everything that had been going through my mind at that time, I knew what the right thing to do was. So I went ahead and withdrew (which was also given to me as an option, rather than being dismissed).

I'm no longer a nurse-midwifery student. It's been a little sad, but I feel so much at peace with my decision. I didn't withdraw because the program was hard (because really, is graduate school expected to be easy?). It was hard, but that isn't the sole reason I left. I didn't feel right about continuing to study for the degree when my heart wasn't in it. So much time and money spent, and I still had clinicals to get through. It wasn't right for me to continue.

Truthfully, nursing has been difficult since I started nursing school and still continues to create not-so-great feelings and is a big source of anxiety in my life. I'm not going to list everything because if you didn't think I was a whiny person already, you would when you read my list - and yes, I did write a list and have posted it in some places.

I don't see myself working in the hospital environment in the long run. I'm seeking a career change, but I feel it will be gradual, as the income I get from my hospital nursing job provides very well for my needs.

I still fully support midwifery. If I ever have children, I want to see a midwife for my care. I want to have a homebirth or a birth center birth. I am still quite gung-ho about breastfeeding. I love neonates. But I just don't see myself in a midwifery role in the future.

I'm sorry it took so long to let you all know. I wasn't sure what everyone's reactions would be. I am at peace with my decision and have no regrets about it. Thanks for reading this long post.

Tomorrow is my last 12-hour night shift (for now, at least).

I'm transferring to a new floor soon and will be switching to day shift. I will remain PRN at my hospital job. 

In school news, I have decided to continue with Intrapartum and study as best as I can for the exam coming up in less than 3 weeks.

Term 6 started on April 9th. I am taking Intrapartum Care I and Market Research. Market Research involves a huge paper (or so I've heard), and surveying a lot of people. I'm doing okay with the surveying so far but I'll need to start recruiting people off the street (joking).

Intrapartum is pretty cool. Except......Exam 1 = not cool. Did not pass.

Honestly, I'm a bit worried about the rest of the term. I'll need to get a perfect score on my case study and a 72 or higher to pass the class. Or if I don't get 100 on the case study, I'll need to get higher than 72 on the exam, etc.

A traditional "C" is a failure in my program, and I was a B / C student in college. You'd think I'd be used to my program's grading standards by now.

*SMH*

And what makes this even more saddening (is that a word?) is that long story short, I was JUST beginning to gain back my motivation to be a midwife again when this happened. :( Yes, I went through an internal struggle for a few months where I doubted every week if this was the right thing for me. Now I have some motivation back, and this happens.

I guess all I can say is that I will try my hardest, and we'll see.

Winter Term 2012 - Finished

I just submitted my course evaluation for Antepartum, so I am done with this term.

I have to say, cutting my hours at work made things more manageable. Not tremendously, but enough to let me have a little more sanity (maybe).

I will be retaking Antepartum, as I did not pass. Not a huge shocker there, as many students have had to retake this class.

Or maybe I am used to these sorts of setbacks, as I've been through several in the past 4 years (since I started nursing school). Ten specific instances, to be exact.

I'm not a straight A student, except for a few semesters scattered here and there in high school and undergrad. I am satisfied with being "average" in regards to school. But....being average is a bit risky in my program, as there is no such thing as a C. It's either an A, B, or fail.

Btw, I know people who are 4.0 students, and that is great they are so motivated to be such a student.

So I guess I'll have to step up my game a little.

There's more I could say, but I won't.

ETA: Oh yeah, I'm still waiting on a grade back from Community, so I guess I'm technically not in the clear for that class yet. Unless I get graded very harshly on the paper, I should be fine.

One down, one to go

I finished my big paper in Community, and completed the course eval, so thus concludes the Community class!

Just have Antepartum left.

I've already made a list of what I want to do over my school break. Twelve more days until this term is over.

Pediatric Nurse Midwife

Did you know there was such a program? Well actually, there is! I just found out tonight while I was browsing on Allnurses.com. University of Michigan has this program. I knew that some schools had the Family Nurse Midwife program, but this one is new to me! So cool!

If there is ever an Adolescent Nurse Midwife program, sign me up! Hehe, just kidding. I am not planning on transferring from my current school. But I guess the PNM program would be the closest thing to an "adolescent nurse midwife," (term coined by me, unless there is such a thing - then please let me know!) since adolescents are technically in the pediatrics category until age 18. I would like to specialize more in learning about adolescent care, though.

As far as school goes......Week 5 and counting. :)