I just found out that one of my clinical team members (from nursing school) is expecting!!! I am so excited for her and her husband. :)
Today I was thinking, I really have a strong desire to have a baby. No, it's not just an all of a sudden "I think I want a baby" random thought - I think it's a snowball effect of hearing about babies, hearing about people getting pregnant, and hearing about the joys of pregnancy and parenting.
I want to be pregnant some day. I want to experience an intervention-free labor with no drugs (if the circumstances allow). I would love to experience a water birth, or at least, labor in a tub. I want to have a doula and a CNM at my birth.
But I'm not even married yet. Nor have I ever been in a romantic relationship. And with my history of amenorrhea (off and on in high school) and the ED, I do not know how fertile I am. So I cannot guarantee that I will be able to get pregnant once I am married. That's one reason why I do not want to be on birth control - plus it takes a LONG time for your cycles to get regular again once you're off of it. At least for me, it did - 1 WHOLE YEAR till AF started up again. And no, I was not on it for the traditional reasons B.C. is prescribed.
Anyway, I digress......
I want to be content in my singleness, I do. Because once you're married......that is it. You have to sacrifice a lot in a marriage. No more free time just to yourself any more. Once you step into that covenant, you are now sharing your life with another human being. So this is a very serious matter and the reason why I should really enjoy every minute of my singleness.
If God put a desire in my heart to be married and have children, would it happen someday? Because I don't know if I am "called" to be celibate.
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Monday, October 5, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Change of Heart
ETA: I just noticed that my last post was exactly a month ago!
Work has been going pretty well. Last week was Week 3 of 12 for orientation. I feel like I'm getting to know my co-workers better and be comfortable around them, which is really good.
One thing about me is that I deal with feelings of jealousy from time to time. Maybe others do too, I don't know. Without going into any detail, there were a few instances of internal jealousy last week over a few of my friends and their circumstances.
Don't get me wrong, I am SO thankful for my job and the opportunities I have been given. I know I will learn so much. Even though it was not my top choice at first, it is turning out to be very good, and I'm sure this experience will be a great foundation for whatever area I go into next. And actually I am glad I didn't get the other places I interviewed for!
But mainly I just wanted to say that the feelings of jealousy are gone. I can truly be happy and excited for my friends, without a hint of envy. I think only God could have changed my heart like that.
Thank You Lord for the change of heart. I know You put me here because You have a plan that will unfold just the way You want it to.
Work has been going pretty well. Last week was Week 3 of 12 for orientation. I feel like I'm getting to know my co-workers better and be comfortable around them, which is really good.
One thing about me is that I deal with feelings of jealousy from time to time. Maybe others do too, I don't know. Without going into any detail, there were a few instances of internal jealousy last week over a few of my friends and their circumstances.
Don't get me wrong, I am SO thankful for my job and the opportunities I have been given. I know I will learn so much. Even though it was not my top choice at first, it is turning out to be very good, and I'm sure this experience will be a great foundation for whatever area I go into next. And actually I am glad I didn't get the other places I interviewed for!
But mainly I just wanted to say that the feelings of jealousy are gone. I can truly be happy and excited for my friends, without a hint of envy. I think only God could have changed my heart like that.
Thank You Lord for the change of heart. I know You put me here because You have a plan that will unfold just the way You want it to.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Thoughts on the Road
So I was driving home tonight and talking to God. I had really somewhat forgotten how hard it was to wait for something. When I was in high school and had to wait for what was going to happen next with my urological issues.....that was hard. When I didn't have the surgery I was supposed to have in December 2000, I had to wait till the following MAY 2001 to have the next procedure done.....then August 2001, and then my final urological surgery in September 2001. All that waiting in between was hard.
Now that I have applied to several jobs, it has been hard to wait for a positive response. Things have been changing in me, and either I am losing my steam or God is changing my heart and molding it more to be towards His will. I am not all about getting into L&D as much as I used to. I am very happy that I am getting doula certification, and I think that would fulfill my desire to work with pregnant, laboring, and postpartum women. I really do. I realize that I don't have to be an L&D RN to work in that field.
Lately I have been interested in PICU, peds oncology, and NICU. I don't know if it sounds weird, but I want to work with people who are hurting (physically and emotionally), and I am possibly interested in providing palliative care. I enjoyed working with the patient who was on the ventilator on the days I was in intensive care units.
When I was driving home tonight, I had somewhat of a light bulb going off in my head, and I remembered one of my most memorable experiences working on the Disney College Program. To summarize, there was a guest who had lost her daughter. It sounded like she had been in the hospital, possibly an ICU-type of setting. The women said Jiminy Cricket reminded her of her daughter. Jiminy Cricket was extremely touched by this, and though the woman said that meeting Jiminy made her whole vacation......honestly, the woman's presence and touching words made Jiminy's day.
I want to help more people like that.
I am just a little worried that working in a setting like that would de-sensitize me towards loss & death. I don't want to become like that. I am very much in touch with my emotions and am not afraid to cry. I want to help my patients and their families through tough times, pain, and sorrow. If I work in PICU, peds oncology, or NICU, I don't want to become emotion-less. Crying is very therapeutic for me. Tough life experiences are something I am familiar with. Healing happens when emotions are felt and expressed. I think that God could give me the strength to help these kinds of patients. I think that God wants to use the pain and healing I have experienced to help others who are hurting, whether physically or emotionally.
I also want to help children who have been abused (physically or sexually). I hear this is something one will unfortunately see when working in peds nursing. I read on Allnurses.com (related to children who are abused) how nurses can show them love and kindness in an otherwise sad situation (very much paraphrased obviously, but I hope you can get an idea of what I mean). I really liked that, and that is what I would hold to if someone asked me why I would want to work with these children. My mission would be to treat them with kindness and love, to be a light in darkness. It is an awful crime to abuse a child - it can be our job to show them that they are loved. I think some of these recent interests stem from my interest/background in psych.
Now that I have applied to several jobs, it has been hard to wait for a positive response. Things have been changing in me, and either I am losing my steam or God is changing my heart and molding it more to be towards His will. I am not all about getting into L&D as much as I used to. I am very happy that I am getting doula certification, and I think that would fulfill my desire to work with pregnant, laboring, and postpartum women. I really do. I realize that I don't have to be an L&D RN to work in that field.
Lately I have been interested in PICU, peds oncology, and NICU. I don't know if it sounds weird, but I want to work with people who are hurting (physically and emotionally), and I am possibly interested in providing palliative care. I enjoyed working with the patient who was on the ventilator on the days I was in intensive care units.
When I was driving home tonight, I had somewhat of a light bulb going off in my head, and I remembered one of my most memorable experiences working on the Disney College Program. To summarize, there was a guest who had lost her daughter. It sounded like she had been in the hospital, possibly an ICU-type of setting. The women said Jiminy Cricket reminded her of her daughter. Jiminy Cricket was extremely touched by this, and though the woman said that meeting Jiminy made her whole vacation......honestly, the woman's presence and touching words made Jiminy's day.
I want to help more people like that.
I am just a little worried that working in a setting like that would de-sensitize me towards loss & death. I don't want to become like that. I am very much in touch with my emotions and am not afraid to cry. I want to help my patients and their families through tough times, pain, and sorrow. If I work in PICU, peds oncology, or NICU, I don't want to become emotion-less. Crying is very therapeutic for me. Tough life experiences are something I am familiar with. Healing happens when emotions are felt and expressed. I think that God could give me the strength to help these kinds of patients. I think that God wants to use the pain and healing I have experienced to help others who are hurting, whether physically or emotionally.
I also want to help children who have been abused (physically or sexually). I hear this is something one will unfortunately see when working in peds nursing. I read on Allnurses.com (related to children who are abused) how nurses can show them love and kindness in an otherwise sad situation (very much paraphrased obviously, but I hope you can get an idea of what I mean). I really liked that, and that is what I would hold to if someone asked me why I would want to work with these children. My mission would be to treat them with kindness and love, to be a light in darkness. It is an awful crime to abuse a child - it can be our job to show them that they are loved. I think some of these recent interests stem from my interest/background in psych.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
In the middle of studying.....
I have decided to take a little break to post some thoughts. This is adapted from a message I sent to one of my friends I met in my nursing program (she is a new RN now):
"I would love to get into Mother/Baby or L&D right away, but I am trying to be realistic as well. I also would be willing to work on a gynecology floor, like the one I was on at __________ - in fact, some of my best med-surg days were on that floor. At least it's a women's floor, and I do like working with women. I just want whichever hospitals I'm applying to to be aware of how much I want to be in Mother/Baby and/or L&D - maybe an interview would help with that. I have a lot of passion for that area, it's more than just an "aww, I love little babies" sort of thing. I also want to work somewhere that somewhat supports my views of childbirth and other related views regarding pregnancy. I understand not everyone shares them, but I want to work somewhere that would at least be supportive of it and not against it."
"I would love to get into Mother/Baby or L&D right away, but I am trying to be realistic as well. I also would be willing to work on a gynecology floor, like the one I was on at __________ - in fact, some of my best med-surg days were on that floor. At least it's a women's floor, and I do like working with women. I just want whichever hospitals I'm applying to to be aware of how much I want to be in Mother/Baby and/or L&D - maybe an interview would help with that. I have a lot of passion for that area, it's more than just an "aww, I love little babies" sort of thing. I also want to work somewhere that somewhat supports my views of childbirth and other related views regarding pregnancy. I understand not everyone shares them, but I want to work somewhere that would at least be supportive of it and not against it."
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