I just found out that one of my clinical team members (from nursing school) is expecting!!! I am so excited for her and her husband. :)
Today I was thinking, I really have a strong desire to have a baby. No, it's not just an all of a sudden "I think I want a baby" random thought - I think it's a snowball effect of hearing about babies, hearing about people getting pregnant, and hearing about the joys of pregnancy and parenting.
I want to be pregnant some day. I want to experience an intervention-free labor with no drugs (if the circumstances allow). I would love to experience a water birth, or at least, labor in a tub. I want to have a doula and a CNM at my birth.
But I'm not even married yet. Nor have I ever been in a romantic relationship. And with my history of amenorrhea (off and on in high school) and the ED, I do not know how fertile I am. So I cannot guarantee that I will be able to get pregnant once I am married. That's one reason why I do not want to be on birth control - plus it takes a LONG time for your cycles to get regular again once you're off of it. At least for me, it did - 1 WHOLE YEAR till AF started up again. And no, I was not on it for the traditional reasons B.C. is prescribed.
Anyway, I digress......
I want to be content in my singleness, I do. Because once you're married......that is it. You have to sacrifice a lot in a marriage. No more free time just to yourself any more. Once you step into that covenant, you are now sharing your life with another human being. So this is a very serious matter and the reason why I should really enjoy every minute of my singleness.
If God put a desire in my heart to be married and have children, would it happen someday? Because I don't know if I am "called" to be celibate.
Birth is amazing that is for sure, but I feel a different twist than you (having had 2 births already)... I want to experience helping another woman go through it. Not as a doula or other medical professional, but just as a friend and proponent of natural childbirth. I've heard that is an amazing experience too!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel! I want marriage and a family so bad but with me getting older and all of my friends getting married, I feel like it's never going to happen. I always played "house" growing up so it's not a new thing for me.... i just hope... and try to enjoy being single for now :)
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